February 2009 - WANT: How should others react when you ask for what you want?

How should others react when you ask for what you want?

To some this will seem like such an odd question.
To some asking for what you want is a normal part of life.
To others it is scary or maybe even unforgivable to ask for what you want.

Can you imagine that?

I used to fall in the latter category. It wasn't until I defeated the guilt monster that clarity about asking for what you want came into being. I say it that way, because that is how it felt. You know, when people say why can't you just be this way or that, you don't understand because this way or that simply does not exist for you.

Is it because you don't understand the concept? Oh no. That concept just does not exist. My partner says it as if this "thing" exists in another universe and we have no view of it at the present time.

Back to the point. How should others react when you ask for what you want?
What do you care? Well, there are lots of reasons. Perhaps the healthy ones are:

When you ask for what you want, you may be asking for help in getting it.
When you ask for what you want, you may be requesting them to get it for you.
When you ask for what you want, you are saying you are not alone.
When you ask for what you want, you have left guilt behind.

What if every time you asked for something you wanted you got:

That's too extravagant!
Do you really need that?
That's just stupid!
Why would you want that?
How selfish!
That's just silly, how foolish!

I would bet that after a short while you wouldn't be asking for what you want anymore.

The true purpose of guilt is to temper our ability or desire to do evil. It really should not be applied to our wants. Granted we need to temper our wants as well, but perhaps there are other traits that should handle this instead of guilt. Perhaps empathy, sharing, contributing to society and the like are what keep us from becoming the thieves who could exist everywhere.

The perfect situation would be that you can ask for what you want and those around you listen. Maybe they respond with "Do you need our help with that?" or "How wonderful!" or even "I always wanted that too!" Yep, that might just be the perfect world, where everyone looks at everyone with trust, respect and compassion. And those are returned with no betrayal.

Until then, try just wanting without guilt, it works wonders!

Consider it.