February 2009 - WANT: Asking for what you want

Someone, alone, cannot always get what they want. Sometimes the want exceeds their capability. A quick example is the want of a new car. Without help you basically can't create a car on your own. You need the auto industry to build it, the car dealers to deliver it and in many cases a bank or credit union to assist with money.

In this example, things are fairly obvious, you must ask others for what you want. No one questions the why and how of these requests. Now, when it comes to other wants the way to ask for them is not so obvious. The who to ask isn't always apparent. In some cases the asking someone is actually kind of scary. As to the how, well that gets even more dicey. In certain situations it isn't "good form" to ask for what you want.

Let's look at at couple of examples. First, you want a raise for the work you are doing. If you work for a specific boss you probably know "who" to ask, but not always "how". In some places, asking for a raise is not acceptable. Each of us who have worked for others have experienced some form of the who and how dilemmas.

Another example is when you are in a relationship and you want something from the relationship or would like to change a perceived issue with the relationship. Once again, the who may seem reasonably obvious, but maybe not. The other person in the relationship might be who you would ask or maybe some intermediary is needed. Not always apparent, depending on the issue. The bigger item is the how. This is a delicate balance of timing, sensitivity, understanding and maturity.

For me, I can't say with any certainty that I know the best way to handle any of these requests for wants. All I know is that if you never buy a lottery ticket, the odds of winning are much, much lower. I believe this holds true for most wants as well, if you don't ask for what you want, your chances of getting it are much, much lower.

Guess I really didn't help much with this post. As the month rolls on, I am finding far more questions than answers. Good luck.